It's been a year and the family still isn't right. The divide to bigger than ever. Thanksgiving and Christmas were off, missing a few key members, and my mother didn't even blink at NOT having an Easter dinner. This holiday is always a little sadder because it was my grandmothers favorite but it always has been done to kinda remember her also. Easter was always a little bit of a big deal going to moms. It has been weird. I still think what happened was wrong. It was handled wrong, words were said that can never be taken back. Now a person who I believe fabricated for own self gain and now it cannot be corrected. But who is suffering because of this family tension, my children. There has always been an unspoken favorite within but at least my children were welcome and visited often. Now it feels wrong, like just because the one family is no longer visiting that no one should visit. My mother is bending over backwards to even be able to see her grandchildren. And I still have a sister who believes that this family has done nothing for her so she doesn't need us. My mother all along has been right beside her: groceries, childcare, a practically new living room suit, and maybe I am not seeing something but there is a lot of angry coming from my sister for some reason....almost like a build up that finally reached the surface.
I don't believe we were ever the closest but we were still in each other's lives. Now we are going months without communicating because it's easier to ignore than deal. Because right now it's still raw. I still have lots I would love to say but feel like it would make it worse, I still have a lot to confront but what good would it do. Who suffers the children, because grandparents are important. And one day these kids will be older and their grandparents will be gone and they will have zero memories. As one now almost 40 that looks back and only has memories until about age 12 with her own grandmother I wish I had more. However that situation was nearly the same, a grandmother with a favorite that really didn't try to communicate with more of her grandchildren. Didn't take the time to get to know us as individuals and now there is no relationship. And the grandmother that adored us all, we lost so early that she never got to enjoy these kids we now have. I never thought I would see a manipulation in a relationship so strong that it would distance a family to live in a bubble. What happens when you don't allow anyone within that bubble and then when that bubble explodes, there is no one there waiting anymore. I have always heard of those mentally abusive relationships but I didn't think I had witnessed one, but in reality I have watched it grow for nearly 20 years. I just didn't see it.
I don't believe we were ever the closest but we were still in each other's lives. Now we are going months without communicating because it's easier to ignore than deal. Because right now it's still raw. I still have lots I would love to say but feel like it would make it worse, I still have a lot to confront but what good would it do. Who suffers the children, because grandparents are important. And one day these kids will be older and their grandparents will be gone and they will have zero memories. As one now almost 40 that looks back and only has memories until about age 12 with her own grandmother I wish I had more. However that situation was nearly the same, a grandmother with a favorite that really didn't try to communicate with more of her grandchildren. Didn't take the time to get to know us as individuals and now there is no relationship. And the grandmother that adored us all, we lost so early that she never got to enjoy these kids we now have. I never thought I would see a manipulation in a relationship so strong that it would distance a family to live in a bubble. What happens when you don't allow anyone within that bubble and then when that bubble explodes, there is no one there waiting anymore. I have always heard of those mentally abusive relationships but I didn't think I had witnessed one, but in reality I have watched it grow for nearly 20 years. I just didn't see it.
The pain on my mother's face when she speaks about having to go a further distance just to get some leeway to see her grandkids, to spend time with daughter, it just breaks me. It's not lack of trying, but a lack of forgiveness and a lack of loyalty. How long until she stops trying and just gives up? How long until none of us are involved any longer because the person dealing out this mental abuse cuts that cord also. I am lectured too much about my stubborn or mean ways but in all honesty it's really the other way around and it's finally being seen. The person that has played the victim all these years are finally being seen as the attacker. The bully. The one that has created issues but was always coddled. Responsibility was never taken and always put blame on others. That is who we are dealing with. That is why that bridge will remain broken, unable to be crossed. It's sad.
Our time of togetherness is gone. We are a family divided, something I never thought would happen. I always thought we would fight and make up, but I believe that everything that has happened over the past year will never heal. I will always feel uncomfortable around that family, always watch my words, and always make sure I never do or say anything that this manipulator can use against me to make me lose them forever like my mom has. Because they visit and they text but we all know its not the same and we all know eventually it will stop.
And one day she will be gone, and all these trivial issues will come to head again I am sure.
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