That is the million dollar question. "Do I want to get back with Jacob?" I dont even know that. I just stare at him. I dont know what to say or how to put it.
"He did didnt he, he has you thinking that you two can live happily ever after. Didn't he have a baby with someone else?" He's eerily calm. He did hit right where he needed to. He reminded me yet again that i was cheated on and that i didnt get the guy in the end.
"You know what, forget it, I was trying to have a serious conversation about our future and all you want to do is bring up my past. I told you about the past so you knew why i was hesitant. I dont want to hear what he can give me, I want to hear what you can give me" I stand up and go to the bedroom. I am done with it. I should have known better, he hasnt talked about it for a year, why should he want to talk about it now when i am being insecure. I just want to forget I tried.
I soak in the tub, maybe he'll be in his office or asleep by the time i get out. not like i can go anywhere tonight. i cant believe he basically said 'been there done that' about marriage. plenty of people have been married more than once. I soak until the water is cold and i am wrinkly. I stall in the bathroom as long as I can.
He's sitting on the bed facing the bathroom door when I open it. He looks at me like he's been thinking. He looks like he has a lot to say but I guess me being in a bath towel isnt the best time. He stands and comes towards me. I know I have created doubt in him and in this relationship. I know that I am bringing up feelings that might break us. He takes a hand around my back and pulls me towards him, kissing my neck. I give in to my feelings for him and the future I want us to have. I want us to succeed but can that happen with Jacob around?
The next week, having lunch with Missy, I decide to tell her what has been going on. To be honest i Have been avoiding her because she's rooting for Jacob so badly. I fill her in on what Stephen said about the future. She just laughs. She laughs.
"So you started hounding Stephen about the future and he went all cave man, "she deepens her voice, "I want my woman, dont touch my woman, on you?" I nod. "He's afraid Jacob is going to steal you away. He's afraid that even though jacob did you completely wrong, you still love him and he wont win."
"I dont know. I havent brought anything up since that night. It was a great night that had me sore the next day so yay for me. But he still hasnt said if babies and stuff is in the future."