I shake my head. She doesnt get it. I dont give a damn about how Stephen acted. What I give a damn about is can I get her back?
"Em, I couldn't give two shits how professional he was. He did his job, I am divorced. I should have never gotten married. My ass should have been at that college every second I wasn't working trying to convince you to give me a chance. I didn't. That's on me." I pound my open hand into my check. "I should have explained to you that night that I didn't remember going to bed with her because I was so drunk and mad because you didn't come out. I should have told you how much I love you and that I could never see myself with anyone else and shocked myself when I woke up with her." Her face goes white. I have never talked about any of these details. She has no clue what I went through that night in my mind. She doesn't know that I hate myself for allowing myself to fall. She sits on the couch, head down and looks on the verge of tears. I kneel in front of her. "What I didn't tell you is that no matter what you will always be my heart."
"But you slept with her, you had a baby with her. Cheated, that's what you did. You broke every vow we made to each other for the future. I didn't even want to touch you after you told me what you did. I felt like I was touching her instead." God, how I wish we would have done this five years ago.
"I loved you, I love you now. Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever be able to trust me again? I have your heart, I know I do. Your eyes tell me that you miss me. You miss me as much as I miss you. I cant change what happened but I can promise you that it will never happen again. I know that is an empty promise but I will proof it everyday."
"I really wish it were that easy. In my mind I just keep replaying that night. You telling me about the baby. Your beautiful son. I do miss you, miss us. I think I always will. I know I keep saying it, but I am in a good place. You seem like you are too." I shake my head "Not without you. I have never been in a good place without you." She stops playing with her nail and looks me in the eye "Except when you were fucking the school whore, right?" She's finally getting angry. She needs to yell at me. I know my girls temper. She needs to let it out. "Jacob, how can I even think of being back here in this town when everyone knows it was her that broke us? How can I face her at school functions with your son? How can I think you'll never get mad at me and drink until you are oblivious to know who you are in bed with?" She stands. "You were mad? I was mad too! I told you I didn't want to go out. I told you that I needed to focus on a finishing the year strong. You never once thought that I was trying to better myself to better us. You were selfish, mad because I was leaving, I had all intentions of coming back and never leaving again. " She's out of breath. I do the only thing I can think of and kiss her with all I have.