RELEASE DAY EXCERPT
Tank: Did you SEE that beautiful goal???
Bess: Yes baby. That’s why I sent you a text last night that said NICE GOAL BABY in shouty caps. Didn’t it come through?
Tank: It came through. But I just wanted to talk about it some more. Because did you SEE that beautiful goal? When Castro accidentally passed to nowhere but I got my stick on it anyway? And before you could say TANK IS A STUD, I put it in?
Bess: Gorgeous goal, hot stuff! I may have spilled my beer I was so excited.
Tank: Where did you spill it?
Bess: All over my naked breasts.
Tank: Really?
Bess: No. But the purpose of this conversation is stroking your ego, right? So I thought I’d just roll with it.
Tank: LOL! I’ll take it.
Bess: :)
Tank: You were right, by the way. After the game, Castro told me I had to get the Brooklyn Bridge tattooed across my ass.
Bess: Well that’s a good sign. If they’re pranking you it means they like you now.
Tank: I got a goal. They like that at least.
Bess: What did you tell Castro about the tattoo?
Tank: I said, sure, buddy!
Tank: And, get this, I told him that if we connect on ten goals this season—in either direction—not only will I put the bridge on one ass cheek, I’ll put his face on the other.
Bess: OMG. What did he say to that?
Tank: “Let’s not get carried away.” Honestly he looked terrified, which was the point. I told him I was just crazy enough to do it. And then I wondered aloud what the blogs would write about that.
Bess: You are an evil man.
Tank: Never bullshit a bullshitter. But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. Specifically, I need to know if you’re naked right now. Please say yes.
Bess: I’m sitting in my office waiting for a conference call. So that would be no.
Tank: Lie to me, baby! I miss you.
Bess: There’s no need to lie. The next time we’re in the same zip code again, you can make your dreams come true.
Tank: Now there’s a plan I can get behind. Literally.
Bess: Indeed. Got to go now! Call starts in two minutes.
Tank: One more thing, hot stuff. Have you seen Henry again? I keep leaving voicemails, asking when I can visit. He texts me back, but I can’t get a phone call. I just want to talk to the old codger.
Bess: Same. I sent him a present but when I asked to visit he shot me down. Now go beat Florida.
Tank: Maybe you should send me a few motivational photographs to improve my game.
Bess: A good workout followed by a protein drink and then a nap would improve it more.
Tank: Says you.
Bess: I am a professional. I know things. Get some rest! I’ll be watching tonight.
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