During my pregnancy with Hailey, I cried all the time, way
more than I ever did any time before that. I am not a crier, things don't make
me sad, and I am more aggressive. However during those 9 months, I would cry at
a commercial that wasn't even sad! So I thought, 'okay I have been a cry baby
for 9 months, post partum is going to suck because I will have 2 people to take
care on top of recovery.'
Life has been so busy that I just realized this week, that I
haven't really had a bad post partum moment. Not that I am asking for it to
show up and turn me into a crazy lady or a weeping woman but just surprised. I
thought for sure as strong as my hormones have been that I would be worse this time
than last. I am very thankful that I haven't. Kenny hasn't been as busy as he
was with Ava, yet he still has his schedule and isn't home when he isn't home.
I have had my moments, but they have been more 'I am going to lose my mind if I
don't get 10 minutes to myself' instead of crying and feeling overwhelmed. I am
chalking it up to being busy. Life with 2 and working full time I don't have
time to be sad. Sad over nothing. I don't sit up at night after they have gone
to bed, I am sleeping too. I don't have a break in the day to ponder this or
that, thinking too much can cause a lot of issues. I have been lucky. Some
women have a really bad time with post partum, some need medication, and some
need time by themselves.
My time to myself, my bath, yes I can take a bath again! My
time! My 20 minutes in the tub, at that time, I go through a to-do list, what I
didn't do that should have been done; things I would like to do, and listen to
the noises outside of the bathroom. Sometimes there is just the TV, sometimes
Ava is screaming at the door for me to come out, sometimes Ava is laughing,
running through the house being chased by her daddy, Hailey can now be heard
cooing or crying. It's amazing how calming just sitting in the tub can be
sometimes.
I don't know what I would have done if my post partum would
have been worse, just a few crying spells, mainly when both girls were upset
and I was just exhausted. Now we are in a good spot. I know the post partum
phase can last a while after delivery, it can affect you at any time, but I am
keeping my fingers crossed that my time is over and my hormones are shifting
back.
Hormones are weird, I wish husbands could just have one week
of the ups and downs and they would never want them back. I felt out of control
sometimes while pregnant, angry for no reason, or snapping at someone for a
something that they didn't even mean to be put into that context, and like I
said, crying for absolutely no reason at all other that the feeling was there
and it made me feel better.
I hope life continues to balance itself out and my hormones
adjust as challenges come my way. Life can get pretty crazy and unpredictable
at times but I hope to keep it under control (or at least try to).
